When I was pregnant with our first child, we knew we would need a team. We chose Godparents that we would see at least once a week. The proximity was important to us, as well as the embodiment of the term “Godparent”. We selected two people who would not just be supportive of us and our children, but who would truly teach and nurture their lived understanding of who God is and how God loves.
I learned early on that family is not constrained by biological relationships. My father’s Mother died before I was born, so my Grandfather’s friend became my Grandmother. When we miscarried our first child, we named her “Regina” because of how well I had been loved by her. My father’s death when I was a teenager, meant that our children would also have a grandparent that wasn’t one of our parents. As I witness my Mother’s husband grandparent my children, I am so grateful for the way he loves them.
This past Sunday, a couple from our church, whose children are now grown, invited us over for lunch. Since Alannah and her Dad spend Sundays with us, it means welcoming eight people into your space, five of whom are aged 6 and under. The house smelled like pancakes, bacon, and coffee, and there were puzzles set out in the living room. I told her how much it meant for our children to experience this hospitality, this sharing of God’s love.
I tell our kids, “I love you and… I like you”. But they can still accuse me of “having to love” them. Joshua and I have been inspired by books such as “Parenting Beyond Your Capacity” and “The Council of Dads”. They address what we know to be true….we need reinforcements for our limited reserves of patience & energy…and there is no guarantee we will live to see tomorrow. The gift we cannot give is when others who don’t “have to” be their cheerleaders…who aren’t their parents or teachers….choose to spend time with them. Reading a book…working on a project…or simply engaging with wonder in whatever they find compelling at that moment. You are showing them that they are worthy of attention from those that don’t “have to” give it. You are the ones they will come to someday when they want to talk to an adult who isn’t Mom or Dad. You are being a gift we cannot give, and I am so thankful for each of you.
