Sophia's 6th Birthday Letter

My dearest Sophia (favorite nicknames this year: Monkey, Sweet Pea, Bug)

Happy sixth birthday!

Your kindergarten year at CKH has gone quickly. You continue to thrive at school with Ms. Steph for a second year, and you take delight in reading words on signs as we drive, or reading books that you know most of the words for. You have had good friendships with your classmates (Olivia and Monique to name a few), and I pray you find good ones next year as you head to 1^st grade in a new school.

You love to pack your backpack for the next travel adventure, packing the essentials like dolls and coloring books. You love playing car games like twenty questions, and ask for jokes at every opportunity. All things that were helpful as we drove from San Francisco to Seattle this past summer.

You started dance and swim lessons this year at the Y, and would sign up for something every night, if you set the schedule. You continue in your “all of the above” approach to life.

You love to bake, and I can’t wait to spend more time with you in the kitchen making new creations.

You love time with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

You continue to have vision in most situations, and we are trying our best to equip you with the tools to be flexible, handle big emotions, and harness as much of your core awesomeness that we love so much.

You fiercely loved baby A for the year she was in our home, and told your mother you never want to stop fostering when she left. You are resilient, thoughtful, and big hearted.

These days you want to help “guide” Jason whenever possible. I have no doubt you will be a great parent one day, for now your mother and I will try our best to help you enjoy your kid days as much as possible.

You love going to church, Awana, and VBS. You love to talk, learn and ask questions about God and Jesus. And we can’t wait to see where God will bring you with your love of Him and His people.

Have a great seventh year, as the sixth was full of playing and reading.  

Love,

Dad

Love Hopes All Things

"Love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things"

-1 Corinthians 13:7

Any time we choose to love another person, we believe things, hope things and endure things.

This is true when we love a parent, a friend, or a child- whether they are in foster care or not.

When you love another person, you don't pause to question whether it will be worth it or how long you will get to love them. You believe, you hope, and you endure all things. 

I remember the exact moment I met Joshua when we were both 18. I can still see my parents out the window as I boarded the bus on our college campus and extended my hand to the stranger who would become my husband. Our friendship began that day, and my love for him deepened a year later as I witnessed how he believed, hoped and endured on my behalf as I grieved my father's death. 

18 years later he believed, hoped and endured with me as we said goodbye to a little girl. We believed that we were supposed to say yes to loving her regardless of how long she would be placed in our home, we hoped for the stability of her father, and we endured grief when she was removed from our home.

During her speech at our wedding my Mother said, "you two are experiencing an incredible love today but there is another great love you will experience when you meet your children". I can picture walking along the river in San Antonio with Joshua six years later when I was pregnant with our first child and feeling an anxiety about what it would be like to add this new person into our life. I labored with belief, hope, and endurance and welcomed her with love. I remember standing on the other side of the front door of her two month old brother's foster home without ever having seen a picture of him and after another two years of belief, hope, and endurance, standing in a court room on his adoption day with the same depth of love we have for his sister.

I can hear the car seat making contact with the wood floor in our entry way for the first time a year ago as the social worker set down the ll month old who would become a daughter. I can see the bright brown eyes and the mouth that would call me Mama.

I would choose those parents and that husband and these children again and again.

 Knowing that all love requires belief, hope, and endurance, I will welcome the next child who enters our home, because it is always worth it.

As we labor to love with the love we ourselves have received from Jesus, we do so from within a cloud of uncertainties and unknowns, but with one guarantee: it's worth it. Always."- Jason Johnson

Easter 2019

O God beyond all praising, we worship you today

And sing the love amazing that songs cannot repay;

For we can only wonder at every gift you send,

At blessings without number and mercies without end.

We lift our hearts before you and wait upon your word,

  We honor and adore you,

our great and mighty Lord.

And whether our tomorrows be filled with good or ill,

We will trust throughout our sorrows and rise to bless you still.

"O God Beyond All Praising"- Hymn

Celebrating

Baby A's last full week in our home after almost a year coincides with the holiest week of our year. It is the week that we celebrate the hope that we have.

With this Spirit, we have been celebrating the gift that she is and the hope that we have for her.

Last week we surprised the kids by taking them out of school early and brought them to the Providence Children's museum with their Godparents.

This week we will spend her last full day with us at the Boston Children's Museum.

That evening  we will tuck our three babies into bed and our little living room will fill with those who have come to pray for the one who is taking the next step in her journey in the morning.

We are not praying for God to come rescue, because God is already here. And God's powerful love and presence will remain with us and simultaneously go with her.

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love may grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of God. Ephesians 3:17-18

Fingerprints

This girl is an example of God's goodness and generosity in our life. 

And this guy is another daily reminder.

Since Sophia and Jason arrived, eight more gifts have joined us for  a night or a week, and one little lady is still with us after almost a year.

As we process the possibility of her leaving, I said to their Godmother Carolyn, "I know that God is trustworthy. I want to trust Him, but I am struggling to do so".

She smiled and responded with the warmest tone, "God knows that".

Recently at Bible study we had five minutes of silence to reflect on times during the past week when God felt near and when He felt far. It helped me to remember that God never moves away, but that I can distance myself when I turn to worry instead of to Him.

With a 5, 3, and 1 year old, fingerprints are a common occurrence in our home. On places that should be too high for little hands to reach, and made with substances that are unidentifiable.

These are just some of the fingerprints left by the presence of God over the course of a recent week:

3.21- Jason came downstairs with a face covered in marker, giving me a laugh that I needed.

3.22- A friend calls and I am able to talk to her during a half hour commute I had alone in the car.

3.23- A retreat, where I join 130 others to sing, "strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord".

3.24- Dinner with foster family friends followed by a Bible study with more friends on the topic of where our strength comes from.

3.25- Putting Sophia to bed that night I was trying silently to think of a song about trusting God I could sing to her and she just started singing, "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus". Friends gave up their date night to drive an hour and a half round trip to bring me a delicious dinner and dessert after the kids were in bed while Josh was on a work trip.

3.26- An email from someone at DCF after her work day should have ended, to let us know she is praying with us.

3.27- A friend offers to watch the kids so I can go to Bible study while Josh is still away. The scripture is about not worrying because God loves and provides.

3.28- Our very first social worker sends an email, continuing to provide support years after her formal work with us has ended. A friend sends Sophia a "just because" card.

God is good and generous. We are grateful.

Don't Cry Until You're Hurt

This is one of my favorite people.

This photo was in a frame in my college dorm room, and now it is in the front room of my house. Both places I never knew existed while this man was still alive. 

This is my grandfather and I miss him. And while it seems impossible that he has been gone for almost twenty years, I also know that another 50 with him wouldn't have felt like enough. 

I have never been good with gifts.

Giving or receiving them. 

I still cringe when I think about how every Christmas I gave my Dad yet another tie from the thrift store that he didn't need and probably wouldn't want to wear, or movie tickets that I would also benefit from. They were thoughtless obligatory gifts and when I see something now that makes me think of him, I wish he was here for me to give it to him.

I have a crystal clear memory of my best gift giving moment, which was to this grandfather. It was an elementary school project and it was given in that same sort of thoughtless, obligatory way. He was spending Christmas at our home and I needed something to give  him. When he opened this homemade object (which I don't remember what it was), I can still hear him saying, "Did you make this?, Did you really?" 

The tone was a combination of awe and appreciation.

This same grandfather had a saying, "don't cry until you get hurt". In other words, don't waste your life worrying about a bad thing happening, before it happens. 

When I consider the best gifts in my life (the people), I am trying to approach them with a spirit of "awe and appreciation". You are a wonderful child of God and I appreciate the gift of knowing you for however long I have that privilege. I am trying to not waste any of my time with them by fearing losing them, by crying before I get hurt. Along with unconditional love, this gift is one of the best ones my grandfather gave me.

Winter Where We Live

I am the only one out of the five in our family who wasn't born in New England. 

Despite being a transplant, I love where I live.

Not just New England, or our State, or our City, but specifically the location of our house.

I love that in February, we can walk a short distance and encounter the women pictured above and below.

Winter Fest this year also featured the performance of this Violinist from the local Symphony Orchestra.

Another favorite winter time occasion is Dr. Seuss's birthday celebration at our library. 

Pin the hat on the cat and several different craft options which I love not having to produce at home.

Sophia built a snow sculpture in the yard of our church which she entitled, "Snow girl".

And of course there has been the other winter activity....

We are enjoying creating winter traditions like drinking hot chocolate (with lots of marshmallows and whipped cream) every time it snows and reading books under blankets in front of the fireplace. 

We will welcome Spring, but we are enjoying Winter while its here.